Writing on the Back
by ChibiMeikoChan
Summary: Quatre is awake late at night and finds out Quatrina is his mother. Small yaoi.


Hi people

Hi people.Well, I am back temporarily, the cause of my icky sick feelings has been found out. 

This was an interesting idea that came to me when I was watching Dragon Ball Z…at midnight…while I was going through some weapon magazines...

Warnings: Small hints at shounen-ai/yaoi.It's not really an angsty/drama kind of thing, unlike Nanashi and Pain, just sad at some parts.

(PS: Any one know where I can get a muse?)

Gundam Wing isn't mine, which is really too bad…for me, of course grin.

~*~

It was beautiful out tonight.And warm.But a good warm, almost like Earth.I turned slightly, as to not wake Trowa, who was still sleeping.His hair was more disheveled than usual and his mouth hung open the tiniest bit.It was cute.I sighed and got up slowly; I probably wouldn't get anymore sleep for a few hours.

"Quatre?"The soft mumble from Trowa made me smile.Sometimes he was so cute."Where're ya goin'?" sleepiness making his voice slurred.I kissed him on his forehead and told him I was going to get a glass of water.He nodded slowly and closed those pretty eyes again.He knew I wasn't going to get water, but he also knew I needed time to myself.

I walked down the stairs quickly and entered the large kitchen.It was lit up by the moon, so I left the lights off; they were too bright anyway and much too artificial.I got a cup of cold water and went back up the stairs, passing my and Trowa's room slowly.I could hear him shifting around for a moment before falling silent again.I wondered if he was waiting for me to come back but heard me outside the door and was acting like he was asleep again.

My free hand descended down to the doorknob, but stopped right before I touched it.No, I shouldn't go in.I would only stay awake and keep Trowa up as well.So instead I continued to walk down the hall, maybe to go into the family library or something. 

I didn't know I was at my father's office until I opened the door.

His cologne was faint in the room, but it lingered in there none-the-less.Memories flooded me as I stared into the now dusty office and I could remember all the times I had sat beside him, learning company business as he worked or talked with a business associate.

I walked into the room, still in my pajamas and slippers, and waved my hand in the air to clear away some of the dust.It swirled and almost seemed to _dance,_ but I ignored it as I approached the large desk in the corner of the office.

I stared and remembered the day that I told Father I was going to fight on Earth.He was so angry I thought he was going to hit me.Of course he hadn't, though.Father had never hit me once in my life, but there was still that fear.I had never seen him so angry with me, but I knew I couldn't back down that day.No.I had to do what I believed in; maybe he was a pacifist, but I wasn't.It might have been his way of protesting the war, but that wasn't going to end it.

I shook my head and tried to get the memories out of my head.I edged closer to the desk and placed my still untouched water onto it.A few drops of water spilled onto the dusty surface and mingled with the grayish particles.

I fell back into the large chair Father had sat in as he worked.A cloud of dust exploded all around me as the chair bounced backward and up again; I fanned it away then ignored it as I turned to the drawers of the desk.A bit surprised at my own curiosity, I shrugged and pulled at the top drawer.Locked.I ran my hand from underneath the desk and found the key I knew was there.I had learned about it long ago, when Father was still alive, but never had the courage to open any of them.

I inserted the slightly dulled key into one of the locks on the desk and pulled open the drawer.What I found made my heart almost break.

It was a picture of us, of Father and I, taken a few years ago.I was six, maybe seven, and we were playing in the backyard.I could remember it all so clearly: it was one of those rare days he took off for a break from work and he had just taught me how to swim; he was so proud of me and I was so happy. 

I sighed and placed the worn photo back into the desk.I continued looking through the drawer and found another picture, this time of a woman.She was beautiful.She had blonde hair and blue eyes and a very pretty smile.Maybe it was another one of my many sisters, but I knew that wasn't right even as the thought crossed my mind.I don't know how or why I knew, _I just knew._

She seemed familiar somehow.I thought back to ever woman I had ever met, every picture and every girl.Then it hit me: this was the same woman who was painted downstairs in the large frame above the fireplace.She was the woman Father had asked all of us, my sisters and myself, to call 'Mother'.

I turned it over and read the messy scrawl on the back: 

_To My Love:_

_I love you so very much,_

_And I can't wait to be able to see our young_

_Quatre grow up.He's everything_

_I've ever wanted._

_Love Quatrina_

I had never been so thoroughly confused in my life.I had always known she had died when I was very young, but this was the first time I had seen anything about her _before_ she had died.It was odd, like evidence that she was real.But what really got to me was the message.I leaned back in the oversized chair again.'_Our'._She had said 'Our.'Why had she said 'our'?

Something inside me was struggling to understand this.Did she feel all of Father's children were her's as well?Is that why she wrote this?I didn't get it.I placed the faded photo on top of the desk and searched for some further clues to figure this mystery out.

I found another discolored picture in the drawer (why so many pictures, Father?) of the woman, of my 'mother', this time on the arm of Father.They were both smiling broadly and in the background there was a clinic.I could not read the name of it; the writing was too faded and too blurred.She held her hand on her stomach possessively, her smile bright and joyful.Father was happier than I had ever seen him.I didn't turn it over.I was afraid of what I would find, of what I thought I might be true.

I reached out for my water with a lightly trembling hand.I'm not even sure why I was so upset.I took a sip of the cold liquid and calmed myself.I reached out with my other hand and turned the small slip of a photo over.

Quatrina 

_She's pregnant!_

I dropped the glass.It spilled all over the place but I did not care.I stared at the script and judged it to be my Father's writing.I wondered who took the picture, what the clinic was, anything but to think about what the words meant.But I had to.I stared at the words again and turned it over to look at the photo.Is this what killed her?The child that grew in her belly?Did they both die?Did I have a little brother or sister who I didn't know about?

By now the water had seeped into the carpet and was slowly spreading in the room.A bit of it was getting under my slipper.I continued to ignore it.I placed this photo by the other picture of mother and went through the desk again, this time a bit more frantic.Well, I had good reason; this time I had questions that were in desperate need of answers.

The next photo I found was shocking to me.It was of Quatr-mother again, only much rounder.She was smiling brightly and waving at the camera.She was wearing one of those pretty sundresses, kind of like what Yjin, one of my sisters, wore.

I turned this picture over slowly.

It's a boy! 

_I'm naming it_

Quatre! 

I swallowed the lump of guilt in my throat, knowing immediately what had killed her._I_ had killed her.Her only son.Her only child.Me.I felt the tears burning at the back of my eyes."Oh Allah," that's all I could say at the moment.I was truly at a loss for words.

I hadn't known Trowa had walked in until I felt his arms around my shoulders.He gave me one of those looks you give people when you're trying to figure them out without having to say anything."Quatre?"I threw myself onto him and started crying."What's the matter, Quatre?" 

I looked at him through my tears."I killed my mother, Trowa."It surprised me how much saying that statement hurt me.I started bawling even harder.I could feel my koi's arms wrap around me slowly as he pulled me into a hug."Oh Quatre, It's not your fault.I swear to you, it's not your fault."I watched his mouth move.I ignored his words, though.How could it not be my fault?

He pushed me away from him and made me look into his eyes; I could see both of them because his hair was still messy from sleeping."Quatre, it's not your fault.Can you believe me?" he asked me.The only thing I could do was look away.His grip tightened a little bit and he made me turn to him again."Please Quatre.Trust me on this if nothing else.Please.I know what I'm talking about, Koi.This is NOT your fault."

I was crying again.He kissed away my tears."But…" I protested.He shook his head."Please.Quatre.Please."He was pleading with me now."Trust me on this."I wiped off a tear with the back of my hand.Trowa sighed and spoke again: "Let me tell you a story I was told when I was a mercenary; it was about your family, Quat.

"Once upon a time, a long time ago, when you and I were not even born, the Winner family couldn't have children.But Mrs. Winner wanted to make her husband happy so she gave birth to a beautiful, handsome, gorgeous son, who grew up and saved the world."

I stared at Trowa._"What?" _He nodded solemnly.

"I swear, Quatre.It was a bit paraphrased, but that's essentially what happened.It's _not_ your fault Quatre.Your mother knew what she was doing and she was perfectly happy to do it.And I thank her for her sacrifice, because otherwise I would not have you, Quatre.I am so grateful to her."

I was staring at him again. He pulled me into a gentle hug and I nestled in his strong arms.I couldn't stop thinking about it though.She had _died _because of_ me._I felt the tears come again and I started sobbing in Trowa's arms.He let me cry all I wanted, even though I basically soaked his shirt through, without a complaint."Shhh…" he soothed.I felt like such a baby, but eventually I stopped sobbing.I was so tired I let Trowa lead me to bed.He held me for the rest of the night until I fell asleep.

~*~

Owari.

What do you think?!?R & R please.


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